How many times a day a fresh face cleans up the mirrors so they stay spotless not staining the reflecting image..
I hadn’t realized I was not paying attention to any mirrors,just passing by them quickly looking usually the other way.
I hadn’t realized how many years had gone by until a unsuspected moment of the day I discovered a couple of old photos.
Me smiling,me with friends,me careless,me with more flesh and life in me than what I have right now.
I hadn’t realized how why people were saying I was pretty.I used to think that I was having a horrible aspect.I took some distance from the photographic paper,taking looks at both images,the Before and the After ones.
I was ,let’s say, whatever nature made me with an expressive smile.I became quite skinny with a lifeless smile.
I was aspiring with high hopes,I became a hopeless individual grateful for making it through the day.
I was active,I remain active not to leave space for thoughts.
I was loving life,now I am scared I might lose my life
I couldn’t care less,now I care less than less.
I wasn’t putting my trust on anyone,now I am easily convinced by sprinkled lies.
I was believing that all wrong is paid back in this life,now I believe in a vindictive Never Never Land
I was breathing, now I need a respiration tube and mechanical support.
I was feeling I could touch the sky,now my ego has shrank.
It’s a personal comparison between faded images of the past and the bright colored ones of the present.I feel no need to apologize to anyone for my own mess.I feel no need to say I am sorry for a silent tear that fell on the keyboard.Anyhow the world is so silent right now I could scream and be heard to the end of the universe.I don’t write lyrics as I am awfull with words.I am better in silence.I can’t express my own feelings even if I am dieing to.
And guess what,that’s the only thing in common between the two pieces of photographic paper.The world has always been so silent but full of faces.Now it’s silent and lonely.
In fact it is totally devastated like the war zone after the bombing.Full of holes everywhere like open mouths releasing sounds unheard.
*Coffee break again*
How many times did the word “Silence” and its’ derivatives repeated themselves? As I use to say,there is nothing new under the sun.
Suffer and Pain isn’t my favorite game.Crying on my pillow either.I am not familiar with the term “depression” I never lost my self control.Yet lately I tend to believe all that could relief the burden of my soul and makes me wonder.. When did I change so much.Worse than that,Why did I feel the need to change so much?
On the other hand,I couldn’t care less..
Obviously I look like a pathetic desperate undefined being.I can totally understand as I have been through the young years of Arrogance and the Ignorance of the Immortal Bodies.There is no such thing unfortunately,the death wishes don’t correspond to the reality.One thing I learned until now: whoever seeks death,death will get.
Not my game either.Subcategory of Suffering and Pain.I was born to live even with crippled days and sleepless nights.
I only wish I had this knowledge when I was younger: Nobody and Nothing ,Absolutely nothing is worth a lost life.Possibly as I lost mine not by physical death, the worst way to depart from this world and wander to the eternity:
A dead spirit inside the scull.
Wrong decisions taken under real pressure,on the move,constant rush building up a mountain of mistakes so tall that the peak is out of sight.A labyrinth of seconds and minutes embroided randomly on the wrong pattern.
Sometimes nothing makes sense.
I guess I don’t make sense either.
On the other hand I couldn’t care less.
Starting over :
How many times a day a fresh face cleans up the mirrors so they stay spotless not staining the reflecting image..I hadn’t realized I was not paying attention to any mirrors,just passing by them quickly looking usually the other way.I hadn’t realized how many years had gone by until a unsuspected moment of the day I discovered a couple of old photos.Me smiling,me with friends,me careless,me with more flesh and life in me than what I have right now…………………………………………………………………….. blabla blaaaaaaa